


April Showers

by perdiccas



Category: Lost, Miranda (BBC)
Genre: Comment Fic, Crossover, Gen, Humour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-13
Updated: 2011-03-13
Packaged: 2017-10-16 22:24:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/170003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perdiccas/pseuds/perdiccas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's kind of funny, Stevie thinks, that on the one day Miranda's shower decides to pack it in, they're hit with the worst storm the city has seen all year.</p>
            </blockquote>





	April Showers

**Author's Note:**

> For aurilly's [Random (Mostly) Crossover Generating Meme](http://aurilly.livejournal.com/171905.html), for the prompt Steve/Jack, oceans and airplanes.

It's kind of funny, Stevie thinks, that on the one day Miranda's shower decides to pack it in, they're hit with the worst storm the city has seen all year.

Miranda doesn't seem to find it funny, finds it less funny when the rain means no one can get out to look at the pipes today. "I know visibility is bad, but no one says you have to drive here!" Miranda exclaims into the phone, exasperated. "Can't you just, I don't know... put on a pair of waders and make your way here through the sewer system?" Stevie hears the dull trill of the ringtone as the last plumber listed in the yellow pages hangs up.

Outside, the storm drains are overflowing and everything is shiny, slick and wet, but indoors, Miranda is reduced washing her hair in her kitchen sink. She comes downstairs with a crick in her neck from trying to manoeuvre herself beneath the tap. Half her hair is flat and still suspiciously dry and lanky, and the other half is plastered wetly to her skull. "All right?" Stevie asks, eyeing the damp slowly spreading down the back of Miranda's shirt.

"Never been better!" Miranda insists, and that's when he stumbles in, literally tripping over the threshold and into the shop. He's the first customer they've had all day. _Tourist_ , Miranda mouths to her like it's a dirty word. Stevie finds herself inclined to agree; no one else would be mad enough to go out in weather like this, and certainly not in coat as pitiful as that.

"Caught in the rain, were we?" Stevie asks brightly as he rights himself, shaking water out of his hair.

"Yeah," he replies, a little slowly, a little slurred; his accent sounds American. He glances over at Miranda and adds, "It looks like I wasn't the only one."

"Rude!" Miranda blurts, pointing at the door. "Get out-" but Stevie's already rounded the counter, tugging down Miranda's arm (hopping only a little to reach).

"She's kidding!" Stevie says to the man. "Just kidding! Come in, come in and dry off."

He shrugs out of his coat. His smile is tentative and a little bemused but Stevie thinks maybe underneath that scraggly beard, he could be rather handsome.

+

One fierce battle of raised eyebrows and pointed looks later, and Stevie asks, “So Jack, in town on holiday, are you?” She has to raise her voice to be heard over the clattering sound of Miranda making tea in the kitchenette.

“Just here for the weekend.”

“Ohhh,” Stevie coos, impressed. “All the way from LA and back again in a weekend? You must be racking up those frequent flier miles.”

He shakes his head, barks a laugh that’s oddly tight. “You don’t know the half of it.”

“All that travelling must be hard on your... girlfriend?” she ventures because there’s nothing wrong with two ships passing in the night but not if one of them is already moored (or is ‘anchored’ the word she’s looking for?).

“I’m sure Kate finds a way to cope.” Jack says, a little bitterly.

Stevie breathes, “ _Rats._ ”

“Pardon?”

“I said _that’s_! That’s Miranda there with the tea, now.” She scuttles around the counter quickly, helping Miranda with the tea tray in such a way that between them they nearly upset it (Stevie kicks a wayward teaspoon under the whoopee cushion and scented candles display before Miranda can manage to trip on it). “This will warm you up in no time.”

“Thanks,” Jack says, adding ruefully, “I was out looking for a gift for my son when the heavens opened up on me.”

“ _Oh_ ,” Miranda says, cringing at Stevie in sympathetic disappointment and straightening up again almost as quickly when she catches Jack’s confused expression. “I mean, oh!” She rummages in a box beside the till. "We've just had a brand new shipment of lollies delivered. Just the thing for kids. A- _ha_!" she adds triumphantly, brandishing...

"Uhh..." Jack says.

"Oh," Stevie squeaks.

"Um." Miranda winces. "Not _these_ , of course," she says, laughing a little desperately. "Because these are, uh, chocolate willies. But obviously, you'd know that, what with your being a doctor and all. I bet you've seen a few willies in your time, haven't you, eh?" Miranda stops and grits her teeth, grimacing off into the middle distance as Jack's eyebrows climb higher and higher in quiet disbelief.

Stevie, deciding hers is the greater need, grabs the mug of tea from under Jack's nose and adds an extra sugar for herself.

"But then," Miranda continues, seemingly, as ever, incapable of stopping herself, "you don't even call it a willy in America, do you?" She pauses for half a breath, ploughing on when Jack doesn't offer an opinion either way. "It's like how here we say, _Where's Wally?_ but in LA you'd say, _Where's Waldo?_ "

Stevie watches in horrified fascination as Miranda unwraps the chocolate willy she's been gesturing with to punctuate her points and bites the tip clean off. "It's very good chocolate," she adds thoughtfully. "Which isn't something you always get in the joke-sex products. They're more interested in the look of the thing than in the taste but it's always been my experience that both are important considerations when you're putting something in your mouth." Miranda's eyes fly wide and she titters behind her hand, like her brain has only just now caught up to what it is she's saying. As Stevie buries her head in her hands, Miranda finishes, "But what I'm getting at is maybe we should rebrand them Chocolate Wildos to appeal to a more international clientele."

Jack, to Stevie's relief, only laughs. "That's almost what I was thinking," he says.

Miranda chews contemplatively for a moment. " _Almost_ what you were thinking...? Wildos," she says thoughtfully, repeating the word until, "Wild- _oh_!" She gasps when she gets it. "Naugh _ty_ ," she proclaims, elbowing Jack playfully in the side (only knocking him a little off his feet).

While Miranda waggles her eyebrows at nobody and nothing in particular, Stevie finds the fresh shipment of brightly coloured Brighton rock. Miranda is still mouthing _dildo_ and snickering to herself when Stevie rings up the sale. “Have a safe flight,” Stevie says as she sees Jack out.

“Will do,” he assures her. The door has barely clicked shut behind him before Stevie cracks up too.


End file.
